Openings!

An opening can...

let in the light

 



get your foot in the door    




herald the beginning of an amazing event



allow for things to be fixed



bring new learning



create a new path



surprise you



require strength



reveal a beautiful gift

nourish

...and as I learned today, provide an outline for your comprehensive exams!

While having lunch with a friend I expressed my current struggle with writing my responses to my comprehensive exam questions. All three questions are based on my dissertation by focusing on my theoretical framework, review of relevant literature, and making an argument for the method I've chosen. I've been married to my dissertation idea for about two years. I've written several papers, analytic memos, and musings that are sure to find their way into my responses. But  I've been struggling with how they may all fit together and what is worth keeping and what needs to be weeded out.

My friend asked me a simple question: "Do you have an outline?" I immediately responded, "Of course not!" I think this surprised her, and by her surprise, I began to wonder why I didn't have an outline. I've never started writing with an outline and I wasn't sure why. Yet, my writing usually ends up with a clear organizational path with connecting transitions, which at least to me, seems logical :). This caused me to reflect on this part of my writing process. How did I move from globs or morsels of thought to a whole piece?

I began to think about times I've been required to turn in an outline before a draft of a paper and I realized I always had to write the opening to my paper before I could write the outline to turn in. I then realized why I was struggling with my responses to my comprehensive exam questions. I was treating each of them separately when they are intrinsically tied together. I needed to approach all three as a single whole and in order to do that, I had to write an opening!

I could barely wait to wake up this morning to get a start! The hardest part is always the first few sentences. Much has been written about how authors craft gripping openings. Just look at a few of my favorites from a list of best opening lines from novels as compiled by the editors of American Book Review:

• "Call me Ishamael" ~ Herman Melville in Moby Dick
• "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife" ~ Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice
• "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair" ~ Charles Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities

By no means do I expect the opening to my academic paper to rival the words of Melville, Dickens, or Austen. However, I do feel a bit of the same pressure those authors might have felt. I want my opening to create some level of interest in my readers to read on. Fortunately, today it came quickly :) With my first two sentences on the computer screen, I began to work like a swallow--zig-zagging back and forth in unpredictable patterns between previous written texts, new connecting ideas, and new searches on the library database for articles. Four hours later, I've written 955 words from which I now have an outline for the entire paper, which encompasses all three exam questions!

Voila! I now have a foot in the door, a beautiful gift, a bit of light, a beginning to this amazing event of a dissertation, and a clear path. Things have been fixed (for now) and I feel nourished and excited about the new learning that lay before me. I know it will take great strength along the way over the next year, but I'm excited about the surprises I might find along the way. 

Thank goodness for openings!

From Cuttlefish to Research: A Tribute to Dr. Carol Bryant

This was originally published on a tribute blog for one of my professors who recently retired, Dr. Carol Bryant. Not only has she opened up the world of qualitative research for me but she has become a treasured friend so I wanted share my tribute here also.

"Thought flows in terms of stories -- stories about events, stories about people, and stories about intentions and achievements. The best teachers are the best storytellers. We learn in the form of stories." -- Frank Smith

The Curious Cuttlefish

by Melanie Reaves

Bobbing gently with the rhythm of the swaying water, the embryonic cuttlefish viewed her surroundings. It was filled with colorful coral and swishing seaweed that would soon be her home. She wondered what it would be like to be out there--out there where she could weave amongst the architecture of the sea. The colors are what intrigued her most. She couldn't choose one as her favorite if she were asked. In fact, the middle of the day was her favorite time as the beaming sunlight from above created quick flashes of color on everything around her. She waited rather impatiently each night for the dawning of color as she peered through her egg.

Finally she just couldn't stay in her egg any longer. She gently pushed on the inner wall of her translucent egg. To her surprise, a hole formed and with one quick swoosh she was home--home in her colorful world. She found the sea world around her more vibrant than she imagined while cocooned in her egg. With the ease of undulating chiffon, she propelled through the colors. Yet she found she was defenseless against a predator. She would dart quickly under a rock or within coral and they would swim right by. Although her new home was filled with many frightening things she felt welcomed and warm. Little did she know that part of that warm feeling came directly from her own skin and would serve as her defense!

One day, while swimming past a bright red coral the small cuttlefish noticed a flood of warmth rush through her body. As she peered down at her tentacles she realized that she was no longer the pale white color of her birth. Instead she was flashing with a myriad of colors ranging from scarlet with black spots to a fiery orange. It was then that she realized how she mirrored her world--flashing all kinds of colors, patterns, and even textures. Not only did she live in a colorful world, she was part of bringing color to that world!

For the remainder of her days she relished in the joys of swimming amongst the flowing colors of the sea. She flashed her colors to signal her presence and reflect her world. Her colors were unlike any other creature in the sea and although she knew her difference, she felt at home amongst the architecture of the sea.

From Story to Tribute

It is difficult to find the words to describe Carol's influence on my life as a fledgling, curious researcher. Yet I knew Carol's love for story and that's why I chose to write The Curious Cuttlefish. Like the small cuttlefish in my story, I entered the world of research with little understanding of how I would fit in. I marveled at others' words as they described what they found in the world of early literacy and wondered how I could ever contribute. Fortunately, when I emerged into this world I found Carol who opened the architecture of the research sea before me. She showed me the amazing colors of qualitative research and I knew I had found my home. I knew that in this sea I could find my voice and offer some colors and patterns that could be unique but contributive. Thank you, Carol for your guidance and friendship. Your literal presence will be greatly missed but you will continue to present in my heart and mind as I propel my way forward in this new world!

To close, I share some excerpts* from an amazing poem, Cuttlefish Bones by Eugenio Montale.

...

It’s time to leave the stunted cane

that seems to be falling asleep

and observe the forms of life

as it is breaking up.

We move in a quivering haze

of mother-of-pearl,

in a glare that dazzles our eyes

and weakens us a little.

Still, you feel, in the play of dry waves

that numbs us in this moment of unease,

let’s not yet toss our vagrant lives

into a depthless abyss...

Dark things tend to what is bright,

bodies break up in a flood of colors,

colors in music. So to vanish is

the destiny of destinies.

Bring me the plant that shows the way

to where bright transparencies

arise, and life as essence turns to haze;

bring me the sunflower crazed with light...

What you knew of me

was only a  coat of paint,

the tunic that covers over

our human fate.

And maybe beyond the canvas

the blue was still.

Only a seal kept out

the limpid sky.

Or else there was the fiery

changing of my life,

the unveiling of a burning

sod I will never see.

So this skin remained

my actual substance:

the fire that wasn’t quenched

for me was called ignorance.

If you see a shadow

it’s no shadow—it’s me.

If only I could strip it off

and offer it to you.

*The entire poem can be found at:

Montale, E. (1985). Cuttlefish bones. Ploughshares, (11)4, 43-47.

By the way, if you've never learned about the cuttlefish, watch Nova's Kings of Camouflage!

Writing Without Writing

This morning I woke up from a dream in which I was framing one of my papers for a class based on the writings of Jorge Luis Borges. I haven’t read Borges for about 15 years, yet for some reason his musings of labyrinths and spiraling towers of a library swept into my dream world and somehow collided with my thoughts on qualitative inquiry. This actually happens to me quite a bit but I’ve never taken the time to reflect on the importance of this part of my writing process.

One thing I have found when teaching writing is that everyone’s process is individual. But for some reason, whenever I pick up a book on writing the author outlines specific steps that are necessary for writing production. Ironically, these steps are very different depending on the book I pick up. Some advocate for topic selection, outlining, paragraph development, revising, and editing. For these writers the process is very linear. For some reason, I’ve never been able to work in this trajectory. Creating an outline before I’ve put any words on the page is like being given a mystery bag of ingredients and being told to make lasagna. There are all these bits and pieces with no idea of how they will connect or meld together.

Other authors suggest a consistent time of simply writing. Often this is referred to as “free writing” in which you keep writing for a set period of time. It doesn’t matter what subject I write about as long as I keep writing. From these “ramblings,” gems of topics emerge and begin to take shape that I can later nurture into more concrete musings or essays. I’ve enjoyed these unstructured sessions yet seem to lack the discipline to make them happen on a consistent basis. In a recent attempt to utilize this approach more consistently I joined a web site called 750words.com. It seemed like a great tool in that I write at least 750 words a day. These writings are logged and I can see my progress each day. I receive an email each day that I don’t meet my goal as an incentive. It doesn’t work! I wrote for 3 days and have been getting the emails each day since. I don’t know why I don’t unsubscribe...

 

This brings me to my current reflection on how my dream this morning, and many other mornings, fits into my personal writing process. For some reason, I tend to need a frame or metaphor to work from when writing. This is different than an outline in that it is more conceptual than concrete. It is a set of ideas and ways of thinking about a topic. Sometimes these metaphors are used in an explicit way as the framework for my writing in that I make them visible for my reader. Other times they just lurk in the background implicitly, guiding my ideas and thoughts into words on the paper.

Most importantly, my current reflection on this element of my process has enlightened me to the fact that this part of the process is almost always “off the page.” It happens in my dreams, in the car when I’m driving, when I’m walking, or even in the shower. I’m reminded of research that I have read in recent years about the importance of daydreaming. Scientists have found that the “resting brain” makes important long-distance connections that help us to make “creative connections between ideas” (Whitfield-Gabrieli & Gabrieli, 2010). Even while I’ve been engaged in writing this reflection, I’m cognizant of the fact that I’ve stopped numerous times to stare at the window, wall, or computer screen.

When I consider how this fits specifically into my academic and scholarly writing experience, I do know that I have learned to put words on a page soon after an “off-the-page” experience takes place. I have learned this the hard way when I have had these connective experiences and then lost them by not writing them down. In this way, I guess I’m learning the delicate dance between my on- and off-the-page experiences. I’m learning to find comfort in the idea that I am writing even when I’m not “writing.”

Reference

Whitfield-Gabrieli, S., & Gabrieli, J. (2010, January). Idle minds and what

they may say about intelligence. Scientific American. Retrieved from http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=idle-minds-intelligence.

Lima Bean

I recently clicked on a link someone posted on Facebook that shared Captain Beefheart's espoused "10 Commandments of Guitar-Playing." Low on the list I read this statement,

"Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow."

It has "bean" with me everyday since! (Sorry, I couldn't resist the pun!)

I guess, first of all, it reminded me of the 40+ Ziploc bags taped to a classroom window each Spring. Each day of the experiment I was privileged to watch the excited faces of five- and six-year-old children as they bounded into the classroom to see if their bean had sprouted. 

Of course we always had the “control” beans that were kept in the dark. I remember one student who was in tears because she felt sorry for the beans in the dark that didn’t get to sprout like hers. She was so distraught that we eventually had to let them out into the light!

Aside from this memory, which serves to remind me how much I miss teaching, I’ve also been considering this statement as a metaphor for my experience as a doctoral student in which I’m the bean. Fortunately, I’m not in the control group lying in the dark (although it feels like it at times). I’ve been wrapped up in the wet paper towel of study. It’s often sticky and it causes my outer shell of confidence and purpose to crack and peel. Yet, at times, I feel a sprout of success pop up. I can feel the warmth of the sunlight coming through the window and I catch a glimpse of the vine that will someday be mine. Until that day, I will be thankful for the wet paper towel and baggie that serve to germinate my growth. 

By the way, if you would like to sprout your own lima bean, click here or here.

“Fly or Get By”

While reading the book, “Language Stories & Literacy Lessons,”* I was struck by a section on risk-taking. These researchers found that 3- and 4-year-old children were more “aggressive language learners” as they boldly tested their hypotheses about language use (reading and writing)...essentially to “make literacy fly” not just “get by” (p. 139). The result is that they “get themselves into more trouble, and...are more successful than their older, wiser, and more cautious literate friends” (pp. 139-140).

We’ve all heard the motivating story of Thomas Edison and his numerous failed attempts at inventing the incandescent light bulb. He’s heralded for not giving up, for letting nothing stand in his way of success! He once said, “I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.”** We all applaud and echo, “Yes! Never give up, never surrender!” (Don’t you just love Galaxy Quest?) Yet, when it comes to our own lives, risk-taking is less applauded. Possibly we are deterred by the fact that no one writes of the courage and braveness of those in the pursuit who have not attained success. Imagine the reporter in Edison’s lab after his 122nd failed attempt. Would that journalist have proclaimed him as a genius?

As I think about this new adventure, my journey to a Ph.D., I don’t feel much different than those 3- and 4-year-olds or Thomas Edison when it comes to risk-taking. I’m immersed in newness! Newness of thought, newness of reading, newness of writing. At times I throw myself into writing or research and come out on the other side with not much more than scribbles on the paper. Yet, I choose to celebrate each scribbling! I seek out people to provide input on how I can improve because I know that with each scribbling, I’m that much closer to success!

*Harste, J. C., Woodward, V. A., & Burke, C. L. (1984). Language stories & literacy lessons.

Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.

**http://quotations.about.com/od/stillmorefamouspeople/a/ThomasEdison3.htm

On the Eats - Delicata Squash Soup

Okay, so today's post is more related to another side of my journey...eating! Living alone + the relentless grind of school/work="I don't feel like cooking!" So I'm continually looking for healthy options that are quick and not too labor-intensive.

This past weekend I purchased some of my favorite squash, delicata,
with the plans to just cook them and eat them. Tonight I decided I wanted some soup and the delicata sounded perfectly yummy! I looked at a few recipes online and then decided to just go it on my own. The results were delicious and it was really easy to make.

Delicata Squash Soup
serves 2

Ingredients:
1 delicata squash, cooked and flesh scooped out*
2 T butter
1/2 cup diced onion
1 T "Gourmet Garden Ginger Spice Blend"
1/4 t. ground cumin
1/2 t. garlic powder
1 c. chicken stock (or vegetable stock)
1/4 cup milk (can use cream if you want it thicker)
Dash of paprika

Directions:
1. Saute onion and ginger spice blend in butter until onions are translucent.
2. Put sauteed onion mixture and remaining ingredients (except for paprika) in a food processor and puree until smooth.

3. If soup has cooled, reheat on the stove or microwave.
4. Pour into bowls and sprinkle with paprika

*Use your favorite method to cook the squash. I cut the squash in half, scooped out the seeds, placed the two halves flesh-side down in a lidded casserole dish with a small amount of water in the bottom and bake at 350 degrees for 45 min.

From Waterskiing to Research

I begin today’s post by telling a story. When I was a teenager I learned to waterski. Now, I caution you against thinking this led to a level of proficiency of a professional waterskier. It was more along the lines of Twiggy, the waterskiing squirrel!

I did eventually get up (on two skis) and manage to enjoy it. However, the process from going from bobbing up and down in the water, life-vest hunched up over my ears, clinging for dear life to the rope handle, to feeling the exhilaration of the wind and the spray on my face was arduous at best! The worst part was all the “help” coming from well-meaning teachers in the boat--”keep your skis together...lean back...don’t lean back too far...don’t stand up too early...sit back on your skis, point your toes” and one of my personal favorites, “let the rope do the work”...yeah, right! It was all “good” advice! But when clinging to a rope attached to a boat that soon will propel me forward at speeds of up to 20 to 30 mph, executing such instructions was a challenge, to say the least.

I might have waterskied about three or four times after that. Each time it got a bit easier and I didn’t have to think about the “exactness” of each and every muscle and movement of my body in relation to the skis, rope, and boat. Well, here I am again, bobbing up and down, life-vest hunched up over my ears, clinging to the handle. Only this time I’m treading the lake of research. They’re all there...those “teachers” yelling from the boat. My teachers, some literal, some through books (I’m currently reading 4 books on research), all want me to succeed. They have lots of advice that I am thankful for. However, I can’t help but feel a little frustrated as I am bombarded with instructions of how to do this thing...research. Here are just a few instructions I’m hearing:

Know that uncertainty and anxiety are natural and inevitable... (Booth et al., 1995)

Get control over your topic...

Break the task into manageable steps...

Recognize the struggle for what it is...

Plan your search...

Take full notes...

Know when to quote, paraphrase, summarize...

Get the context right...

Just to name a few!

At this point, the only part of performing research that I am somewhat comfortable doing is the literature review. Even that I’m worried about in finding the time to conduct it with all the other reading and work I need to get completed. All other portions...identifying, or rather articulating the research problem...creating a purpose statement...laying down the research questions...finding research participants...approaching the participants...creating and using an interview guide...conducting an interview...conducting a thorough observation...writing a “thick” description of the interviews and/or observations...positioning myself as the researcher...identifying my subjectivities...writing about my subjectivities in an academic manner...analyzing data...reporting data...these are all areas that I’m petrified of!

In reading “The Craft of Research” I literally burst in laughter at the following “Quick Tip”:

“As you get deeper into your project, you may experience a moment when everything seems to run together into a hopeless muddle...The bad news is that you can’t avoid all such moments; the good news is that eventually they pass” (p. 101).

I’m waiting for this one to pass....

Reference

Booth, W.C., Colomb, G.G., Williams, J.M. (1995) The craft of research. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.